somewhere in the middle

somewhere
in the middle of nowhere
where i've just been
in the ozark mountain wilderness
of midwestern rebel flags
and kayaks
and my sweet children
taking in the water
of their mother's family
for the first time they'll remember
fondly
and forever
the every day
an overflowing
christmas
kind of day
with food
and presents
and cleaning up
and walks
and dogs
and basketball
and sisters
together
not quite themselves
and yet
maybe this
is as close as they can come
this year
of years
this first
to be together
since the last one
this first family christmas
for her new him
and their new baby
and us
in the brief
togetherness
of strain
why can't it be easy?
why can't it be easy?
it always sounds and looks so perfect
in the dreamstate of wanting
even planning
even planning
and then the being
that's where we fail
how to be
just be
in the being state
accompanied
without revelation
or sincerity
drama
or longing
how to be
just being
beside one another
wordless
and wantless
for the miracle
the true, sure miracle
of family
reunited
growing
beginning
allowing
how?
to keep one's head
one's heart
open
in joy
and miracle
what is it i do
to take me out
of being
free?
somewhere in the middle
of being me?

happy new year

happy new year
happy
new
happy
new
happy
year
happy
happy
are you
happy?
happy
happy
are you
new?
what about the years
are weary?
what about the winter's
dreary?
what about the moment
now
when
you learn
about the how
to be happy?
to be new?
to be annual
with the views
of fulfullments
coming true
resolute
to begin
anew?
new?
happy?
happy?
new?
year
to you
you to hear
happy
new
new
year...