stillness

bringing the mind to stillness
the body to still rest
the quiet
of calamity
not crashing
around
in this wind
i am just
what there is
to be
here
in the now
of this
just
just
and it is
still

i am still

starting
again
stepping
again
out on faith
sure of its foundation
that it is strong enough
in any air
to hold me
up
head above water
and when i bob under
and see what is there
i keep hold of that floating device
that faith shield
that protection
i am here
i am still here
and when i am no longer
i am still

take care. i love you.

take care,
i love you
and the phone
clicks shut
here in
this
evidence
of now
flashing
bulb
bulbless
tulip
springing
forth
the winter
is over
we are in the
deep heart
of pollinated
spring
a ring
dadadadadadada
jen and the baby
are here.
aha.
now i know a name.
i'll call you when i get home.
okay
bye
a click of the closed
phone
my dad calls me
every day
she tells jen
the skinny friend
her own pregnancy
protruding
life has its
way with
all of us
a ring
dadadadadadada
some words of
love and explanation
the click
of a closed
connection
cut off?
released.
again. to
LIFE in the present moment.

and so i come

and so
i come
i enter
i sit
i find
my mind
surfacing
to destroy
the act
of this
artmaking
making
itself
a
mask
promises
threatens
its
place
to hide
behind
to
enter in
to the
dance
beyond
this
body.

i
sit.

i
be.

i
write.

i
find.

i
come.

i
enter
the
offering.

i gift my gifted
self to these proceedings.

i want and then...

i want
and then
stop wanting
have
and then
stop having
speak
and then
stop speaking
give
and then
stop giving

in the presence
of witness
i be here

seen or heard
felt or imagined

i be here now
being


s t i l l